


On The Far Shore

by JustAWritist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, M/M, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Minor Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6389770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAWritist/pseuds/JustAWritist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past has this tricky, nasty habit of coming back to bite us in the ass. Even when we think it’s dead and done, the past loves to rear its ugly head and give us a gruesome grin- just for the hell of it. The worst part? It’s never the good parts that like to knock at our doors at three in the morning, never the happy, sticky sweet memories, but always those bitter, bloody ones we tried to bury in the grave. Or so Levi’s come to think.</p><p>On hiatus: indefinitely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Far Shore

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, wow, I went back and forth on posting this/when to post this/how to schedule this entire fic (as some of you may know). In the end, it's here, and I'm going to try to keep a semi-regular update schedule despite the fact that my life's a little crazed right now. So, welcome to On The Far Shore! This is going to be a bit of a wild ride and probably shorter than NTMYWF (by a lot), and less introspective but more action-centric, either way I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Come talk to me:  
> goldie-the-cat.tumblr.com
> 
> Updates tagged:  
> fic on the far shore

There are days when Levi looks back on it all, and can’t help but feel some sick humor. The grim irony of it all leaves him breathless in the moments where the quiet is just a little bit too free and his mind wanders just a little bit too much.

He wasn’t deaf, he wasn’t blind. He could see the signs and hear the whispers like any normal person could. Eren’s friends giving him unceremonious side-eye and glances with narrowed pupils like he was some tiger pacing around in the back of a cage, and they held a whip to beat him back down but they weren’t fully sure if the whip worked… or if Eren would even let them into the cage to begin with.

“Be careful,” He’d once heard Eren’s friend, not the small blonde kid he’d come to know as Armin, nor even his overprotective sister, Mikasa. This one was the asshat with an undercut and dyed dirty-blonde hair, the one with a long face resembling that of a horse, it was Jean. “Seems like the type of guy you need to watch out for, suspicious-like.”

“You mean like you?” Eren had countered with an easy smile, Jean’s pointed glare only earned a laugh from him. “I would thank you for looking out for me, Jean, but I’m guessing Marco is the one who put you up to it.”

“No.” Jean’s lips were pressed in a tight line, neither he nor Eren had noticed Levi was standing in the doorway at the time of their little tété-a-tété, “Well, yes, partially- he’s been pushing me to ask you to be careful but…” Jean trailed off, staring into the corner away from Levi, still not noticing him, “I don’t like him. He seems like the type of guy who would just up and leave.”

Up and leave. The irony in that sentiment is the very same irony that sometimes chokes Levi nowadays.

As if Levi could ever do that.

Albeit, their worry wasn’t unfounded. It had a stronger, sturdier base than most things in Levi’s life, in fact. They were quite the odd couple, Eren and him, and there were too many accounts to count where Levi wondered how in hell he ever ended up with someone like Eren.

Eren was a biochem student, practicing science in grad-school in order to go into the pharmaceuticals business. He was doing some time, an internship, at a hospital in order to see how the drugs would work and what they were each used for. Levi was someone trying hard to get out of a bad life, and not trying the “right way”, as some would put it. Truth is, he didn’t really have a “right way” to take. He had a choice but each direction seemed morally more astray than the last and he figured that if all choices are bad he may as well take the quickest route out.

The quickest route out landed him half-dead in the hospital, and in need of serious painkillers for his one-week stay. That was where Eren came in. The nurse who knew a hell of a lot about medical care but shit about patient interaction. The amount of fights they got into over Levi’s stubborn refusal to take the damn pain med became more than he could count. Then fights turned into jokes, and jokes turned into casual flirts here and there, and when Levi was released he gained both stitches and a phone number.

Probably not the best way to meet someone, and definitely not a story to take back to the parents. So, as was stated before, their worry wasn’t unfounded. But Eren still didn’t worry, stupidly so if you asked Levi. But if you ask Levi, he’d tell you that Eren should have turned tail and run the minute Levi was out of the hospital. Eren shouldn’t have called him back, shouldn’t have prodded into his fucked up life, shouldn’t have found out all he did and tried to help Levi find a better path.

But he did, and Levi went back to school at the same time Eren was just finishing up and preparing to receive his doctorate, not the first Doctor Jaeger but maybe the last. At that time Levi was pursuing a degree in economics with a minor in business. He was sharp and had a mind for business, for what was the best course to take. Not to mention he could easily threaten even the most vicious shareholder into a better deal. Levi watched proudly as Eren donned the cap and gown, much younger than him but still four years before he would. There was no envy, just pride and happiness. Then Eren took to working and Levi waited for the other shoe to drop. For everything to come caving in on itself and watch this suddenly beautiful life he’d built up implode like some fucking sun, leaving an all-encompassing, soul-sucking black hole behind in its wake. It would be fitting, considering Eren, a bright, grand flash moving so fast and so ferociously that you’re both captivated and repelled. Even if you tried to keep watching you’d be blown back by it all.

But it didn’t. Instead it lasted for another two years- tallying up to a surprising five. In that wake, Levi and Eren got an apartment together. In the warm summer evenings they’d sit out on the veranda, a sole hibiscus plant blooming towards the setting sun, and talk about life and love and plans for the future. Sometimes Levi would look over when Eren fell into silence and see him nodding off in his chair, hand holding up his head as brown hair fell into half-lidded and slowly closing vibrant green eyes. Chest rising and falling peacefully, breathe in, breathe out, the movement slowing breath by breath until he lulled himself into a peaceful sleep just as the sun crested over the buildings in the distance and the sky turned from orange and gold to dark blue and black. Levi knew how draining work could be on these days, so usually he’d do his best to pick Eren up and carry him to bed without waking him. Sometimes this proved difficult or awkward for Levi considering not only did they differ in age but in height as well. But he did his best and got very good at avoiding the coffee table that they decided to put in the center of the damn living room. He could proudly proclaim that he only ever tripped and ended up with both of them unceremoniously sprawled across the floor, head pounding from the wooden flat, once in his life. Or he could just as proudly not mention that happened at all.

Then it was Levi’s turn to wear a cap and gown in his rather ugly school clothes, and when he took hold of his degree he didn’t know what was happening. The entire thing was an out-of-body experience that didn’t seem real to him until he felt Eren’s arms wrap him up in a proud, excited hug after the ceremony that nearly knocked him onto the grass outside. He’d brought Mikasa, Armin, and Levi even had friends to celebrate with whom he’d met during his time at school. A med student named Hanji Zoe getting their second degree, their first one was in microbiology and their second one in astrophysics, all the while balancing their job as an astronomic engineer, and all just for fun. Levi still doesn’t understand their thinking to this day. The second was a man named Erwin Smith who already had a job in a small-time company, but was planning on branching out on his own and starting his own enterprise, which would require a business degree. There was also Petra, a student at the local veterinary school who still had a year to go before she graduated, Oluo, Moblit, and others who Levi knew and, though it still sounded odd to him, could call his friends.

It was soon after Levi got his own job that he and Eren began to talk of getting an actual house, not just some apartment. They had both reached their dreams and now they needed to find a new one. Somehow they managed to settle on the cliché but calming ideal of the white picket fence and a loving household. It was only natural when this dream became blended with another one. And soon a small, golden wedding band rested hidden away in the back of Levi’s neatly organized closet… Little did he know a nearly identical one was lying away underneath one of the many messy piles Eren kept tastefully disorganized in his own closet. They were in a race to be the first to propose and neither even knew about the competition. Well, that was until Eren was the first to propose. He’d gone all-out, taking Levi to the first place they’d gone on a date, setting up a picnic and everything. Levi was shocked and paralyzed with happiness, but also a little peeved that he’d been beaten to it. Needless to say he accepted, but only under the condition that Eren would let him propose and go through his plan as well… his plan was already made either way.

The date was set. Mikasa gave her blessing, and willingly, too. She’d grown to see how happy they were and even Eren’s overprotective sister knew that continuing to be with Levi would only make Eren happier. Armin was Eren’s best man and Levi asked Hanji to be his best person. Partially because they were his best friend and partially because if he didn’t they’d kill him with the wedding cake.  
There are no words to describe it. It was the happiest day of his life and even that doesn’t encompass how he felt.

Two years spent in domestic tranquility but Levi could still feel himself bracing for the downfall of it all. Waiting for Eren to come home one day and tell him that they were getting a divorce, that he fell in love with someone else- someone younger and closer to what he deserves, but Eren deserved the world and Levi was damn sure nobody could be rise to meet the mark. That was some solace, not much but some. Even though Eren would constantly remind Levi, whenever he felt down or worried, that he loved him, no matter the kisses and the many days spent in heavenly happiness, there was always that abysmal fear rooted somewhere deep in Levi’s mind.

He doesn’t love you. You can’t keep this up. How long are you going to delude yourself? This life is all going to fall apart, just watch.

And then a miracle happened. In that same, subtle, beautifully inelegant way that they fell in love.

They adopted a child.

A beautiful baby girl with a shock of red hair, put into an orphanage much too early to do much other than cry, spit, throw up, and giggle until her face turned the same color as her wild, untameable locks. They named her Isabel, after an… old friend of Levi’s.

Eren knew the story. And it was his suggestion to name her so. He would later suggest getting a baby boy and naming him Farlan but neither of them were ready for a second child. Besides, Isabel was enough. She was their secondary joy- even on the nights where she woke them up with her wailing loudly and the two of them dragging their weary bodies out of bed to nurse her back into a peaceful slumber.

Three years passed and a second miracle happened.

It happened when Levi woke up one morning, he was always an early waker while Eren could sleep until noon when he didn’t have work. His arms were around Eren, and when he breathed in through his nose he smelled the fresh morning air and his husband beside him, chest rising and falling peacefully just like it did at their apartment when they would watch the sunset together. His wedding ring was cool on his finger and the body he held was warm on his chest. He could feel the thrum of Eren’s heartbeat beneath his arms and hear the soft inhale and exhale of a still-peaceful dream. When Levi reluctantly detangled himself he stood to check in on Isabel. She was asleep as well, her hair as wild as ever and spread around her like a second blanket, having grown out as she entered her toddler years, a trickle of saliva shining against her round cheek, and a small smile evident on her face as she slept. It was when Levi was walking to the kitchen to start breakfast that a realization hit him like someone had dropped a ton of bricks onto his shoulders and it nearly knocked him onto the floor.

Despite all the worry, despite the fact that it would have been logical for Eren to drop Levi, despite the fact that he’s been waiting for so, _so damn long_ for that other shoe he’s… still happy. And he’s done. Done waiting for doomsday to come and break everything.

Because it’s not going to.

It’s already tried to, with all that’s gone wrong in his life and Eren’s and with all the challenges it’s thrown his way. He’s still here, _they’re both_ still together. And they’re happy.

And they’re not going to let anything change that.

So he gave up waiting for that armageddon that he built for himself. And instead, Levi enjoyed the time spent in happiness with Eren, with Isabel, with Hanji and Erwin and Petra and his _friends_ , his _family_.

Three more years passed.

Isabel was six, Eren was going on thirty-two, Levi was just becoming forty-seven- an ugly number to look at and an even uglier number to say but not one he was going to let knock him down. Life was easy, simple, and absolutely lovely, and he wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

That was the day Eren called to say his car had broken down and he called in to say he’d be late to dinner. This wasn’t the first time it’d happened, just a few days before Eren had to call in late to work because they couldn’t get the car out of the garage. They had been talking about going to a lot that weekend to see if there was anything they could get because having Isabel in an unreliable car just wasn’t safe.

One hour passed, Levi started to glance periodically towards the driveway as he made dinner. Two hours passed and the dinner was starting to get cold and Levi could feel his hands twitch with worry, three and a half hours later and Isabel was asking where Daddy is, four hours and Levi’s calling Mikasa and Armin because Eren’s phone isn’t picking up. Five hours and Isabel has started to cry because she can sense the fear in the air and see it in her Papa’s eyes no matter how hard Levi tries to hide it for her sake. Five and a half hours later and she wears herself out and falls asleep on the couch. Six hours, and now Levi’s the one crying, shaking silently because Mikasa’s calling the cops and nobody knows where Eren is. Seven hours and Hanji is ringing his doorbell, it’s black outside by then and useless hope always seems to spark in his chest when he sees two beams of light run by the door. Seven and a half hours and Erwin and Petra follow Hanji to comfort Levi, although he barely notices their presence when the person he’s waiting for isn’t coming. Eight hours, Armin and Mikasa join the precession because nobody wants to be alone. Nine hours, and the police tell the somber party that they’ll have to restart the search in the morning. Nine and a half hours and everyone starts to leave, one by one, Petra lingers last, makes sure Isabel is tucked in tight and tries to convince Levi to move from the couch and go to bed because it’s late and being exhausted isn’t going to help anyone. Nine hours and forty-five minutes, and she gives up and goes home as well. Ten hours and the night outside was silent and dark, Levi wondered if he should have called them sooner, called the police sooner, he waited two hours but that was too long. He should have called Eren back right after he called the car repair. He should have… he should have… he should have…

Four months pass.

The police consider giving up the search. Mikasa became obsessed with finding Eren, sure he’s somewhere out there and sure that she can find him. Armin does his best to be her emotional support pillar but sometimes she’s the one that needs to support him. Levi’s friends all make periodic visits, slowly getting more and more spaced out as they try and fail to help him grieve. Isabel asks “where’s Daddy? Is Daddy coming home?” nearly every day, then every week, then not at all.

And Levi?

Levi is numb.

There are days when Levi looks back on it all, and can’t help but feel some sick humor. How he gave up waiting for the world to break in on itself, thinking that maybe the rest of life was going to be as happy as he was once afraid to grow used to. And right as he beat that fear it beat him back, hard, relentlessly, and until his lungs were incapable of breathing in and his eyes can no longer see.

Four months have passed. Today is the anniversary of the day Eren disappeared, seemingly off the face of the earth. Levi wakes up to an empty bed and even though the covers are wound so tightly around him that he can barely wiggle free he feels frozen cold. He dresses and goes to a half-empty kitchen, doesn’t bother to turn on the lights as the gas oven flickers to life and a small flame heats up the bottom of the pan where a small slab of butter melts for scrambled eggs. The green digital clock on the microwave blares a bitter good-morning of 4:53 A.M. Levi only half-glances at the time as he stirs the yolk around until it begins to become more solid.

He sets the table, there’s three placemats but only two plates and two sets of silverware. Levi pours himself a cup of coffee, he hates coffee, but he ran out of tea a while ago and hasn’t gone to the store to refill the supply. Levi takes in a deep breath of the morning air, the bitter taste of coffee tainting the flavor of it all and making him gag on his own breath. Levi pours the rest of the cup down the drain and sets to washing it.

The clock reads 5:23, A.M. Levi puts his cup in the dishwasher and wonders briefly if he should make bacon to go with the eggs. The phone rings and he curses under his breath, grabbing it off of the receiver quickly so as not to wake Isabel.

“Hello?” He hisses into the phone, his voice about as unpleasant as any bear awoken early from their hibernation, “Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?”

“Levi,” He recognizes Mikasa’s voice, although he almost doesn’t when she breathes out a sigh of relief. “I need to talk to you,” Her voice immediately switches back into the stern, commanding tone Levi’s grown so used to since he met… He doesn’t like thinking about it. “I think I… I think I got a letter from Eren,”

The phone fumbles, and nearly falls into the sink.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, there's the first chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!  
> This fic has a loose schedule that may or may not fluctuate (hopefully not), but the tentative update plan is **every two weeks, Monday, 7-730pm EST.** I hope to see you all there!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
